Helping Children Name Their Feelings
When a child says, “My tummy hurts” before school or has an outburst after a toy breaks, they might not be avoiding or misbehaving — they might simply lack the words to say, “I feel scared” or “I’m upset.”
Dr. Marc Brackett, founding director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence and author of Permission to Feel, explains that helping children name their emotions gives them the tools to manage those feelings. For young children, words become the bridge between what they experience internally and what parents can recognize and respond to.
Dr. John Gottman, a psychologist best known for his research on emotional coaching, found that when parents name and validate emotions (“You’re sad because your friend didn’t want to play today”), children develop better empathy and self-control later on. These are not small skills — they are the foundation for resilience.
It’s tempting to fix, distract, or downplay a child’s distress (“You’re fine!” “Don’t cry!”). But slowing down to name the feeling — and showing that it’s safe to have it — is what helps a child feel seen and soothed. Neuroscientist Dr. Dan Siegel calls this process “name it to tame it.” When parents calmly label what’s happening, it literally helps integrate the emotional and logical parts of the brain, reducing the stress response.
The goal isn’t to raise children who never cry or get angry — it’s to raise children who know what to do when those feelings come. Over time, naming emotions helps children pause, recognize what’s happening inside, and communicate before acting out.
Each small moment of emotional language builds a child’s vocabulary for life — one that helps them navigate friendships, setbacks, and future challenges with confidence.
Everyday Ways to Practice This
Acknowledge before you advise — “You’re sad” comes before “Let’s fix it”
Use emotion words in daily talk — Not just during meltdowns
Name your own feelings — Model emotional awareness
Read books with emotional themes — Pause to label what characters feel
Praise the process of calming down — Not just “being good”